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What my father never told me.

A personal blog.

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I went to the Astrologer Rant.

The day and time we are born gives the astrologer the computer programme code of our life. The astrologer cannot alter it, but he can read it. The programmer is some super human being, simulating our life.

We humans are using the astrologer to decode this code. We don’t want to live by his programme, we have a free will, which again is programme by HIM to make us believe the same .

So believing we can alter the programme by conspiring with our astrologer. The problem is the astrologer is also a human programmed by the super human to deceive us.. The code is also known as the natural laws of this universe.

The ultimate frustration is that some super powerful person can control us and make us do things. How do I hack this code and turn the tables around, so I can reverse programme and control this super human?

miradeshazer / Pixabay

Face to Face with Big B

As a kid, growing up, I was crazy about Bruce Lee first and then Amitabh Bachchan. But as I grew up, I am no longer crazy about Big B or even watch his movies; in fact, I barely manage to watch a Hindi movie in a couple of years. I feel Hindi movies are way too long and I would rather sit at home and watch someone youtube blog.

Coming Back to Big B, As a growing up young kid, I wanted to meet Big B, but Dad never had the time to take me to his bungalow in Juhu, dad never fancied idolising these stars, I suppose.

So last year I happened to be at title waves, where Amjad Khan’s son has written a murder thriller book and Big B was there to launch the book.

My first impression was, his whole body language was so full of gratitude, he was humble and “not aggressive”. Also, I thought he was one of the most good looking men out there. So that’s it, guys, summing it up, I feel if you want to find someone who is the most “cultured” public celebrity, Big B wins it hands down, you just can’t beat him in culture (tehzeeb would be a better word).

These are some pictures I managed to capture below.

 

 

Discovering smoothie

I was not a fan of smoothie. I think a smoothie is made of yoghurt, while a milkshake is milk based. But anything blended well forming a homegenous mixture is what I would call a smoothie.

I dont like like the taste of milk and recently I have discovered that yoghurt don’t suit me. So my options is now limited to nut based milk like soya or almond. I use soya mostly as it’s much cheaper than almond milk and is a bit creamier than almond milk which is very watery.

Also if you research on the nutrients, soya milk has more protein than almond milk. So now to get all those fruits and the goodness inside me, I got this epiphany that a to blend them and gulp them would be the fastest and the tastiest way!

I got this Oster smoothie maker at Amazon for Rs 1750/- which is pretty good for the price. It has a bottle as a blender attachment which doubles up as a smoothie dispenser. Now that saves some washing time?

Also so I have been hearing every hipster talking about the goodness of chia seeds, not to be left behind, I got myself some chia seeds. ๐Ÿ™‚

 

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Balancing the extremes

Recently I met a friend after long time and while we were talking he told me that way back he did some Numerology on my name and said, “I see that your life is very extreme like you you will face extreme circumstances”  what he meant was probably a lot of ups and lots of downs” Feels like a rollercoaster ride doesn’t it? But everyone’s life does feel like a rollercoaster ride, right? But maybe mine is more I don’t know.

That got me thinking

It’s quite true my life is a rollercoaster but more than Ups, I’m just going downhill but it’s a perspective of others and not mine.

So at this time I got into skateboarding you might ask what skateboarding has to do with extremes life ? 

Disclaimer – skateboarding is primarily a juvenile activity.

The thing about skateboarding or long boarding is that when you’re going down you need less effort because you’re kicking with your feet and going down is also very fast and what will keep you on your board is your sense of balance. And to get the balance, I got a balance board where you stand on board with a roller below it, it is the best balance exercise I think which exists, the idea is to fall at home rather than fall while skateboarding on the road or in front of the people, you train yourself to balance.

So am I trying to physically control the extremes? Am I physically trying to control the downhill slide? Will the balance training translate in other parts of my life? These are mere analogies but somewhere everything is connected isn’t it?

I have no problems with extremes, but I think people who are close to me might find it really disorienting, when people see you going to extremes, some people jump off the rollercoasters, some people get on while the going is good, but generally it’s not a good thing I guess. 

So I’ll be spending some time trying to balance my life as well as my board. 

  

There is no such thing as integrity.

I was at this client place, he a parsi gentleman kept whining about the lack of integrity in people in India. I listened to his rant for quite sometime and then told him that there is no such thing as integrity, every one is available at a price. People who we consider to have high moral integrity are people who dont sell cheap like the rest of the people, they don't sell short and don't compromise for things which are of ephemeral quality. But they are waiting for the right price.

So whats your price? How short will you sell and for what? How much pain do i have to give you, before you stake out, before you betray your best friend?

What is my price? If you want to know, please make me an offer I cannot refuse.

 

What is relationship?

Life is relationship and relationship is life, let's accept that.

So what exactly is relationship? Is it something which you know each other like he is my brother, he is my father, she is my wife, she is my mother.

Relationship is relating. If you relate to someone on the same level then you are in a relationship but what is this same level? This same level is when you drop all your ambitions when you drop all your greed, when you drop all your fears and you are really compassionate towards the other person you are really relating to that person.

I think that relationship starts with caring and caring can only take place when you have nothing to ask for yourself from that person in exchange. (But ironically caring can give you a illusion of control over the other person, a sense of possessiveness which ultimately might become abuse in the relationship).

It is often said that parents damage their children more than anyone else, a classic case of caring turning into abuse.

 

I am fighting a Eating disorder.

There are 2 schools of thoughts as far as eating goes.

A) You are what you eat which advocates on careful selection on what you should be eating. People here try various fads, go on a protein only diet, avoid carbs. OR Become a vegan, as milking a cow is an act of violence or they believe animal milk is not fit for human consumption.

The strictly vegetarians believe that you take on the atribute of the animal you consume, if you eat a chicken, you will become indecisive and so on.

B) The second group, here believes in eating whatever is organic, they know that stomachs are made of digest anything which is organic. So they dont bother with these diets.

Both of the above are merely a lifestyle choice. They are not eating disorders.

I believe in eating the right kind of food, i beleive in balance. But for the past few years, I have been a bit obsessed about eating whatever I can lay my hands on. I feel like I am just stuffing myself, just to feel centered, like the food would settle down somewhere and make me feel content and centered.

Its become pathological untill i decided to consciously watch how I am eating, I usually read or browse the internet when I have my meals, I eat 99% of my meal alone also. But i am going to make a effort to eat slow and watch myself eating my food. This is difficult to accomplish, there are so many videos to watch, Fb status to check on. But I am going to give it my best shot.

Now I am going to watch how I eat and not really bother what i eat. Sometimes its not what you eat but how you eat which will untimately nourish you or end up with a eating disorder. This is my food for thought prasadam to you. Chew on it.

Image from – http://m.healthmeup.com/news-buzz/feeling-fat-blame-your-brain/6593

 

 

What were you criticised the most when you were a kid?

We all have grown up and how? We have kids now and do we ever criticise them? If we do, we need to know why we do and what are our insecurities which we impose on them?

For eg. If you were always criticised for being uncouth, we would teach our children to be well mannered, would we? If we didnt get the education we think we should have had, thereby limiting our carreer growth, we will push our children to strive harder than usual. Are we being harsh on them?

Now, how did our parents criticise us, what was their red buttons which got pushed for us to deserve some harsh words?

Growing up for me was a bit weird, I had only one authority figure (single parent issues), thats my father, the rest just didnt size up. I have never ever received any criticism from my father. He only used to say you need to become a engineer. I guess he thought since he was one, and that had helped him acheive remarkable success meant, education or engineering was the key to secure financial future. He never probed on what kind of character I should develop or imposed on what kind of person I should be, he didnt judge me morally at all. He was rather uncomfortable or just didn't have a time (after a 16 hour workday) in correcting my moral or ethical outlook or intellectual perspective.

All the other elders or relatively less important authorative figures gave me this statement ” Manu is a very quiet child” I took this as a compliment and became more & more quiet, i would rarely speak in front of elders. But now in restrospect I realise this was actually a criticism, it was a way of these authority figures to keep me in my place, because if i spoke up, i would be difficult and embarassing to handle. So i guess the authority figures thought I was kind off weird.

I think one of the reason for my writing and ranting on this blog, is my rebellion 30 years later against these authority figures, telling them, i can speak for myself and people do like to read it, yeah maybe 6 people read my blogpost. But I am punishinig these authority figures for shutting me down and risking being called a weirdo by making a fool of myself by washing dirty laundry in public.

Thats enough instrospection for today. With all due respect to elders!

 

Vitality of the mind.

  1. Are you too slow to think?
  2. Do you wish you had reacted to a situation differently?
  3. did you miss a great opportunity?
  4. Did you miss being there for a loved one when you were needed the most?
  5. Do you think you wanted to acheive more in Life?

If you answer Yes to any of these Questions, you just dont have enough of Vitamin “V” V = Vitality. There are 2 kinds of Vitality, one is Vitality of the mind and another is Vitality of the body and they go hand in glove.

There are externalities and internalities which will make you full of vitality. Keep thinking on what will make you more energetic, what will keep you going and give strength when others need you. We have this desperate need to not fail in front of the people we love. But we all feel guilty of not doing much than we wished we could do, and whats worse we start blaming for things not working out to the other person. We will justify the other person is more demaning, we will blame the other person for destroying our career. Vitality will help you get what you want. So drop all the excess baggage, dont eat more than you need, dont worry more than you need to.

I dont have the answers to this, but I want to have lot of vitality as I grow old.

 

 

Fear of Criticism.

Recently I was reading an article by Devdutt Patnaik, India's great young Mythologist, where he refers that “Fear” is basically the inabilty to face criticsm. This really struck me, I indeed hate to be criticised, so I would rather hangout with people who would say nice things to be or have something lacking in them which I have in abundance, this balances out what they have in abundance, so its a win-win situation.

But now that i know, i am extremely sensitive to criticsm, whether its regarding my work or my personal life, i hate to be told i am wrong. But this just blocks me from growing and improving my life.

I have decided to fish for criticsm, the idea is to go on offensive, not behave like a obedient good boy, but actually not comply so people would tell me that I am wrong, that I am unporfessional, that I am a idiot, that I am just a stuck up guy, I am a negative guy.

This is the best way to get criticsm your way, I know people dont want to hurt me, but they say these things behind my back.

Oh, he can never stick to one thing.

He doesnt value money.

He is irresponsible.

He is a provincial guy. (not well travelled)

He has a terrible ego.

So, people if you want to criticise, I am all ready for you. Fire!!

 

What is a home?

I am proud of myself today, i shifted home in one day. Yes! Assembled my life and my belonging in a new place in 8 hours. That includes the airconditioning and the water heater, only the broadband connection is pending.

I have avoided the depressing feeling of sleeping in an empty house. Life continues without a sad pause or drops of tears. Home is basically a very private space for me, i like to just dissappear into my house, i dont like visitors or friends, I just want to dissolve into this small space of mine, maybe its just a phase. May be I will start inviting friends, maybe i will feel like sharing my space. But not right now.

Home is a place where you have complete freedom to do what you want, a home is where you make the decision on how you live and what you eat and drink. Its the most intimate space. It makes me wonder how hobo’s (homeless bozo’s) manage to live or tramps, who travel from one place to another without a permanent home. How do they rejunavate, rivitalise. I guess there comes a point, when staying at one place might feel sickening, maybe they never could make or afford a home so they just move on from one place to another to die and fade away.

For me home is the place I recuperate after the battles of everyday lives and stress. Does anything feel more nicer than a warm bath and maybe some chamomile tea. Welcome home.

ย 

Want to sleep better? here is a idea.

Now if you have seen as many rains as I have, you havent possibly avoided worrying. Ofcourse worrying causes Stress and stress makes one sick, very very sick.

Recently I found myself worrying too much, and I realised I was sleeping with my worries. We cannot avoid destiny, we have to live our part, play our part, though we would rather have someone else's, because advertising has given us a few fixed templates of sucess, because they wanted to make it easy to sell.

Sorry to digress. So worrying makes you think and think a lot, and it makes you wide awake and when you dont sleep well, you entire productivity goes for a toss.

So how does one avoid worrying before sleep? Well, i have the answer. Do something which will force you to not think. For me, its trying to learn to play my guitar, which i hate, because it so difficult, my fingers tips hurt so much. But it completely takes my mind off from my immediate worries for a hour atleast. It works, i sleep better.

If you have insomnia issues, and lie awake in bed thinking, do you own thing, paint, sing, dance. Make sure the task is extremely challenging, otherwise you will do the task in auto mode like driving a car and still worry, do something which is really really difficult. This guitar I got is finally been dusted and put to good use.

Hope it helps. I am off to my hour of practise.

 

The Ego lens

I read somewhere, when we meet people, we use different lenses to judge or measure people. The worst is the ego lens.

Ego lens is basically our assumption, that we are more important, or moneyed, more knowlegeable, more charming. The problem occurs with this perspective is that when you meet someone who is not really impressed by your “more & more” and even more stuff. This can really hurt bad, and trust me it going to hurt.

After one such hurtful expereince recenntly I have decided to atleast be aware of what ego lens I am using, this is extremely helpful in negotiations. Once you are aware of your ego lens, you can downplay or overplay it.

Ofcourse the best option if you really want to understand the person in front of you, you should drop all your ego lenses, and that person will appear naked to you, but its easier said than done, and I am so full of myself and I find every other person boring to drop my ego lens.

I hope I am making some sense?

 

Is it a crush or are you in love?

Sometimes it’s important to know if it’s a crush or are you in love. Here are some pointers to know what is your case.

1) Crush is mostly one sided in reality, only in your deluded dreams can it be two sided.

2) In a crushing situation the person you are crushing may or may not know about it. If you are in love, the person might at-least care for you, if not love you back in the same intensity.

3) crushes can be major minor and you can have more than a few to be on the safer side. In Love you are involved with one person at a time. In major crushes your crush, might be the one and only one.

4) your crush may be a phase or might last a lifetime, but the relationship wouldn’t be as fulfilling as in when you are in love.

5) love is when you are so very sure.

Ok, just a few thoughts. If you disagree with these points , please leave a comment. If you agree get lost. You might have a crush on me ๐Ÿ˜€

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First guitar lessons

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A 67 year old man is teaching me guitar. He was quite persistent and convincing, so I succumbed and took my first guitar lessons!

Kindle giveaway

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Anyone wants a kindle, i giving it away since I have upgraded to a new kindle white paper.

Cooking after 18 months!

 

Lolita and Dharma

I define dharma as that thing which you have to do no matter what the cost might be, if you have a western bent of mind, you might call it as “one’s duty” but that would be a black and white interpretation of this holistic Sanskrit word dharma. Iam not an expert theologian or a educated indolgist, so feel free to disagree on the same. But people call me Bapu and I have millions of followers.

She was 16, normally I never get attracted to anyone who is so young, I have a protective feeling almost fatherly or brotherly feelings towards even much older women who are 30/35. But she was different. Everytime I saw her, I feel she was trying to tease me or seduce me. I brushed aside such thoughts, what would such a young girl know about adult pleasures? But somehow or the other she was always on my mind. Slowly i realised she was becoming my most consistent thought, i longed to see her, I would make reasons to be with her.

She was relentless the more she avoided me, the more I felt aroused, this was a viscous cycle, as I knew this feeling was so wrong, no one would understand. But my thoughts made me committed to the actions which would land me in jail without a bail.

Dharma is not ethical, it knows no right or wrong, it is something which possesses you, you don’t choose it, it chooses you. You are just a player, the cards are already dealt.

Kurai Onrum Illai (No Regrets Have I) A rendering of the Tamil composition of C. Rajagopalachari

No regrets have I
My lord,
None.
Lord of the Written Word,
My light, my sight,
My very eyes
No regrets,
None.
Though you stand
Where I behold you not
My light, my very eyes,
Protector of all earthlings
I know you sustain me
Lord of the Venkata Hill so pure
You meet my hunger, my thirst
My hope, my prayer
You keep me from harm,
Lord of the Sparkling Gems,
I need naught else
Father of the Seven Hills,
Naught else.

* * *
You stand โ€” do you not? โ€”
Veiled by a screen
Only the learned can part
For they are the learned
Which I am not
But no, no regrets have I.
Crowning this hill
You stand as rock
Giver of Boons
Immutable God
Father to these hills
No regrets have I
Govindaย !

* * *
In this benighted Age of ours
Lord โ€”
The worst of all the Four โ€”
You have entered
The sanctum
A shaft of granite
Where though I see you not
No regrets have I.
Boulder of strength
With the Ocean,
Heaving on your breast,
Of the purest compassion โ€”
My Mother,
My very own, who grants
Anything I ask of her
Can I possibly have regrets?
The two of you, I know,
Stand there for me
Eternally
No regrets have I my Govinda
None, none whatsoever
Govinda! Govinda!
Govinda! Govinda!

Come away with me…..

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