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What my father never told me.

A personal blog.

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Balancing the extremes

Recently I met a friend after long time and while we were talking he told me that way back he did some Numerology on my name and said, “I see that your life is very extreme like you you will face extreme circumstances”  what he meant was probably a lot of ups and lots of downs” Feels like a rollercoaster ride doesn’t it? But everyone’s life does feel like a rollercoaster ride, right? But maybe mine is more I don’t know.

That got me thinking

It’s quite true my life is a rollercoaster but more than Ups, I’m just going downhill but it’s a perspective of others and not mine.

So at this time I got into skateboarding you might ask what skateboarding has to do with extremes life ? 

Disclaimer – skateboarding is primarily a juvenile activity.

The thing about skateboarding or long boarding is that when you’re going down you need less effort because you’re kicking with your feet and going down is also very fast and what will keep you on your board is your sense of balance. And to get the balance, I got a balance board where you stand on board with a roller below it, it is the best balance exercise I think which exists, the idea is to fall at home rather than fall while skateboarding on the road or in front of the people, you train yourself to balance.

So am I trying to physically control the extremes? Am I physically trying to control the downhill slide? Will the balance training translate in other parts of my life? These are mere analogies but somewhere everything is connected isn’t it?

I have no problems with extremes, but I think people who are close to me might find it really disorienting, when people see you going to extremes, some people jump off the rollercoasters, some people get on while the going is good, but generally it’s not a good thing I guess. 

So I’ll be spending some time trying to balance my life as well as my board. 

  

Finding my Roots

Roots are your family, you leave behind when you travel abroad, roots are your deep beliefs. Roots are your blood relations, roots is your mother tongue. Roots is your first memory of awareness as a child. Roots is your memory of the first person saying something unkind to you, but they were probably true.

Roots is permanent address, roots is where you will go when you die. Roots are your school friends when you meet them at the school reunion. Roots are the people you first think of when you are in trouble. Roots is the person you deeply love.

I feel rootless, is it important to have roots? Can the tree touch the sky and the stars without it being grounded at all.

At crossroads – an insight into decision making perhaps.

We try to do it all or we try to do what we are already good at. Both these situations are uninspiring, the real challenge is to head in to the unknown with calculated risks.

I am risk averse, i am so sure of my utter failure to cope with anything thrown at me in life, I am so sure about resources drying up before I reach my goal.

Now at a cross roads I have to decide whether I stick to the old weary path or head in the direction of the unknown and challenge my self. I wish there was a tool to validate this decision of risk taking, is it a calculated risk? Suppose after evaluating with your validation tools it comes out that the risk isn’t worth taking?

What would you do? What if the heart says do it?

Immortal vs Mortal

Remember you are vulnerable. Your defiance of your own mortality is nothing but your fear of it.

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Why do we want to talk to someone and not talk to someone else?

Image from http://www.makingsmalltalk.com/images/Making%20Small%20Talk.jpg

Life is very lonely, also staying alone sometimes days and weeks go by without talking to someone. Of-course clients call and sometimes taking the pretence of professional work some interesting conversation happen. At the same time I go to great lengths to avoid calls from friends who wants to have a friendly chat.

Its rather perplexing, I feel like talking to complete strangers like my clients than actually talk to so called friends. Sometimes I even think of asking someone out for a coffee and then I feel that I will wasting my time.

So my conclusion is we like to talk to people who

We feel we are not investing for nothing, I mean we will nurture only that person who we see a probable future. Makes sense?

So if we want to talk to people who we see as a safe investment, that what are the qualities of people who are such “safe investment” to me, per se.

Lets make a list

1) Someone who is very compassionate.

2) Someone who doesn’t get influenced by others and can hold her/his own thoughts and ideas?

3) Someone who who wouldn’t lose faith or abandon the ship when the weather is rough sailing?

4) Someone who is not using you because of their own insecurites and fears?

Its a bit crazy, there are so many people in the world, that real estate and houses are getting smaller, and still there is no one I can find to do small talk, or I would rather not do small talk and waste my time and energy?

Just some food for thought.

 

Playing a Martyr.

martyr1If you live with people who you love, or have people who you love or are bound in a relationship of love. You have often played the Martyr. Playing a Martyr means laying down your own happiness so that the people who you are bound by bonds of friendship and relationship can get what they please and be more happy than you.

We all do it, I get rare opportunities to be in this position of playing the Martyr, but I have also done my bit. Actually, I gave away things which were not important to me, I just acted that I gave away something very important, this is just a thought perhaps not a fact.

We can console our heart and mind, that what we gave away reluctantly or fightingly was never ours, what was snatched away from us was also probably never meant for us. But we would never know. We only know what we got from others as our share of happiness and how callously or ignorantly we squandered or gambled it, like the Pandavas did with draupadi.

But the Joy of being a Martyr, dont we feel so good, about the giving we did, dont we brag to ourselves that we gave away everything, but kept our honor. But what is this honor, can we be addicted to playing a martyr? can we indulge ourselves in this defeatist but pleasure activity of playing a martyr, only to know never to claim or find what is rightfully ours?

So complex, this is like Bhagwat Gita climax moment when Arjuna thinks why should i kill my own brothers and sisters and loved ones, for what purpose for what ends?? We can get entagled with our own in sharing a pie of happiness? who gives in, the martyr or selfish person who only wants a bigger pie??

 

 

My top 5 tools for deep thinking.

One of the greatest form of entertainment, i have discovered recently is “thinking”. But let me admit it, I am not so good at “thinking”. If i was good at “thinking”, I would e having more fun in life, than trying to have fun because I am not having fun .

So let me list the few things I should be doing to sharpen my little piece of brain so I can think better.

1) Reading books helps. Yeah, this is very cliche, but who has the time to read?

2) Meeting people who are more intelligent than you certainly works, but when these intelligent people try to use you, it can be counter productive. The more intelligent people are than you, they try to screw you. Yes, I have a major trust issue, i can never work with people who are more successful or intelligent than me, but i can be good friends with them. 

3) Sitting idle and writing down your ideas and exploring it with your imagination is something i do very rarely, but it works very well. My issue is I hate admitting on paper, that i need to write to think. Don’t we laugh at people, who maintain a “todo” list.

4) being in love with someone or something also helps you to think, you are constantly trying to improvise and adapt to “what  if”

5) A long term goal can make you think deep, but I am very bad with monitoring them. Again, its my escapist attitude, I hate to admit it on paper than I have lost every single mile stone. Smaller achievable goals leads to the bigger one. I feel having a goal is being scheming and manipalitive. But i might be exploring this option as I run out of things to think.

Anyway these are top 5 things I do to think, cause there is no entertainment in life than thinking and its fucking absolutely free!!! 

When to give up on your desires?

You only desire, what seems possible or what is possible to dream off. For eg. You might dream of a big 4 bhk house in Hiranandani Gardens, Powai or any tony neighbourhood. But you wouldn’t even dream of a 4 bhk on a moon or mars for that matter. 

So desires are calculated risks, we take to move from one place to another, they seem to be the subconscious road maps for the future. 

But what happens when you attain what you desire? we mark a milestone and set ourselves for another dream of that subconscious calling? What if the object of our desire is a person? How would the person feel, when you ignore and neglect the person, whom you had serenaded and showered with gifts and undying love before you achieved what you want?

Anyway, so we keep chasing what we deeply desire, cause that is God Consciousness itself showing us the light. 

Now what if we don’t attain what we so deeply desire, does it mean that we haven’t served God? or have we failed ourselves? OR do we compromise and settle for what we can achieve rather that what we truly desire? Is compromise divine? is acceptance of our limitations make us more humans and compassionate towards others? 

The answer is we all compromise, no one wants to kill ourselves if you don’t get what we want. Maybe there is no compromise, maybe life is a win -win situation. What seems like a failure is just a beginning. ( this is very cliche and consoling). But to a person who is madly possessed with desire, this explanation might seem trite. 

I had to do it.

I like being in this situation where there is no other choice left, but that what needs to be done, and which I have to do it.

If i was the CEO of Nike, I would change the slogan from “Just do it” which is has connotations of “unconscious”  decision making to ” I had to do it” which denotes “conscious” contemplation and well thought over action.

If we stop doing things, just because they just need to be ticked off the list and consciously wait for a situation where you have no other choice ” than to just do it”.

Will the world be a different place?

Just a thought.

Bless you with the small joys of life!

The knock

There was a knock on the door, I opened the door and she said “Oops, looks like i got the wrong house” She smiled, I gave a welcome smile (which said pleasure was all mine)”.

I will never see her again, but yes she made me happy by the dazzling smile of hers.

Lucky Restaurant

You go to a restaurant, its packed to capacity, the manager could easily say “cannot accommodate” since you are a single person and wont add much to the revenue, but then he treats you respectfully, makes some arrangement and gives you a good seat. You smile and say thank you.

My Rs 200/ bill probably didn’t much difference in his bottom line, but he made my dinner!

Sitting all alone

There you are just sitting, without any thoughts and suddenly you feel fireworks in your heart, you are celebrating for no reasons and its all in silence. It lasts for a few seconds if not minutes.

You don’t know what happened to you, what made you so orgasmically happy. You thank God.

Flying Kisses

You are in a foul mood, you start your car and waiting to cross over, when some girl blows flying kisses as part of her dare bet with her bestie.

You are stunned and then laugh it off. But it made your evening.

Salsa Class

Learning dance is complex, you feel so inadequate, but then you cant escape all the time saying you cannot dance and have 2 left feet. (especially if you are a promoter and evangelist).

Your partners try to be nice to you, touch your hand and say you kind of nailed it. You are encouraged to try more complex patterns.

These are some of the small joys in my life, and for now this is what keeps me going.

Unwell thinking

When you are unwell, all your resources are focussed inwards, you have 2 desires 1) to die painlessly or 2) to get the fuck well asap. But I like to recover slowly, I love the trip this unwell state of being takes me to. 

I think of the following things

  1. Iam full of gratitude to all the humans who have helped me in this journey of life. 
  2. Your mind is on a rewind mode. I have lived long, and maybe I havent lived well. There are so many people I have lost and so many people who  i might have let down. But then you take pleasure in the few moments you have spent with these people as the cliche goes, life is in the details. Our life is indeed connected by memories, and however hard we may try to hide the uncomfortable past, we will come to it, during our last moment is my bet.

Unfortunately the unwell trip has come to an end in 24-48 hours so Iam out of the unwell state of mind for now, so nothing more to add I guess. 

HORN NOT OK, PLEASE !!

This afternoon I was at a cafe in bandra which is owned by a bandra localite, maybe 2/3rd generation bandra-ite. It’s located in the not so noisy part of bandra. The cafe is very popular among expats and as well as macbook chugging indians.

Anyway, there was a small jam in front of the cafe, it was just a matter of few minitues and the traffic would have smoothened out. But then a guy in a SUV was a bit impatient  he started honking and honking incessantly, which was very irritating for all the walkers as well as people sitting in the cafe.

This owner rushed out to the SUV driver and folded his hands and said please dont honk! I was befuddled, I thought the owner being a bandra bugger will give him maa bhen gali and he has a staff who can back him up, but instead he pleaded with the driver with folded hands not to honk. I was taken a back. What a great way to settle a road rage argument?

So, remember next time, you feel like showing your muscle power, trying with folded hands might yield better results.

BTW HORN OK is only for highways and not city streets and by lanes.

Projection Vs Imagination

The word Maya in sanskrit means to measure. You can only measure something which has a centre a fixed point. 

When i mean Projection, i mean the mental projections we all do, like calculate the pleasure we are going to derive, after we upgrade our current phone or the pleasure we derive in thinking about the supposed vacation we can have after we save X amount of money every day. 

I think Projection is a great calibration tool, to measure or justify our actions in the now to achieve the desired effect in near or far future. A mental projection has a point or a basis from which it arrives. Its thinking about the probable realistic scenarios. 

Meanwhile Imagination doesn’t have a centre, its akin to day dreaming. You can imagine defying gravity, you can imagine you are a super hero. You can imagine in 10 years time you will have a private jet and would be worth 10bn $ . 

As we grow older, we imagine less and project more , i imagined great things about myself in the future as a kid. But the very definition of great things has changed in the future, I have achieved greater things but not what I had imagined. What i have achieved or life has given me is beyond my wildest imagination. 

Does this mean we can only imagine, based only on the information we have? we see a superhero movie or a martial art movie and imagine ourselves as the hero.

So iam beginning to think, Imagination is a useless tool while projection is a more pragmatic and useful tool to access your needs and desires.

Guess which of the 2 commit suicide?

Two person thinking of suicide – Which person is going to kill himself? they both write one line suicide notes

A) I am going to kill myself.
B) I feel like killing myself.

Demystifying intuition

Intuition is the most abused word in recent times, any stupid person will take any random decision and base it on their so called “Intuitive Powers”.

But honestly decision making would be such a inefficient activity if people didn’t channel their intuitive powers.

One philosopher has defined “Intuition as nothing more than refined thinking”. There is no super power, no clairvoyance, just refined thinking. I have started believing that.

I have bull-shitted every person who claims to have intuitive powers, but embarrassingly I have relied on my intuitive thoughts to make some major relationship decisions.

Decisions are always based on certain assumptions or facts, and we take a calculated decision But in certain cases, the heart just follows contrary to what the facts and logical conclusion should be.

Intuition is a big mind fuck, it makes you pretty insecure, as you are about to loose control of what is known and enter into the murky or magical realm of the unknown.

Can we trust our intuition , this biological gift for survival has become a tool for making profits? Have we deteriorated or is this just a survival instinct?

My idea of a vacation.

I have never taken a vacation, at-least I cannot remember it for now. But I am seriously thinking about indulging in one long one. 

Here is why others go on a vacation – 

  1. De-stress
  2. bond with your wife/lover
  3. a family trip
  4. sightseeing
  5. Cause you need adventure.
  6. or just for the heck of uploading pictures on facebook and twitter and making others jealous.

Here is my idea of a ideal vacation place – 

I would like to goto a place where the society has different rules, where words have different meanings, (Like a chair is called a table, a girl is called a boy) where morals ( where marriages are punishable by law) and ethics ( where being successful is scorned at) of the place are contrary to what it is in my present society. I dont think there is a place like this, till then I have to keep my vacation plans on hold. 

Or perhaps my well travelled facebook friends can guide me to this place? 

Where are you?

You are where you are cause of what you are 

OR 

you are where you are because you are meant to be 
OR 

you are where you are because there is no where to go 
OR 

you are where you are cause there is no place you would rather be? 

The process of making Big decisions in Life.

Need to buy a mobile phone, buy some clothes, go on a vacation, where to go for dinner tonight are some of  the small decision we make everyday and dont think much about these things. But yes there are small joys to be discovered in finding the nuances and idiosyncrasies behind these seemingly mundane and routine things we do. 

But today I am talking about the process involved in making a BIG decision. A big decision like buying a house, marrying the right girl, choosing the right career option. These are the most worrisome areas of are life. There are huge risk involved.

These big decisions need to be nurtured and several influencing factors play a big part. 

1) Peer pressure

2) Opinions of family and friends

3) Affordability and efficiency.

How does one know, he has bought the right property or married the right woman, ofcourse one tries to convince onself that was the only option in case of a house or that you love your wife (in case of marriage) . One can eventually settle down and comes at peace at the big decision. 

But I am exploring this other strategy! 

What if on purpose instead of marying the right woman or buying the right house, what if we take a wrong decision on purpose, (we belevie the decision will eventually ruin us), we get into a big decision which is crazy and seems like a bad one. Can one trust in life enough, to actually gamble and take a bad decision (for maybe temporary gain or long term gain) and never think about it with regret, no matter what the consequence. 

I am interested in a bad decision because it pushes human limits, it challenges your core beliefs , it makes you think of working your way out and being a survivor.

My life is series of bad decisions. Lets see, I want to make another one now! 

Water therapy for solving problems.

There are times when things dont go as planned. What is one supposed to do at such times?? All efforts at controlling your life and steering it to safety has been futile, do you give up and do nothing. 

No you dont, as such times when nothing is going your way, get a bottle of chilled water, drink a few glasses, maybe about 7/8 glasses in 15 minutes. You will immedaitely feel better. Water detoxifies, trust me. Further if things still dont fall in to place, drink more water, maybe another 15 glasses in 15 minutes. 

If at the end of this, your problems are either resolved or you have died due to accidental drowning.

No continuity

What if everyday you woke up to a new love in your life? You know, when you open your eyes, your wife/girlfriend/lover is gone, just disappeared. Poof! 

Would you go crazy or ecstatic, what would life be? Would you be free to begin afresh each day, or would you be back to square one, or would you take off with the other person from where you left it with the previous person in your life?
Can we erase the relationship karma every night and wake up with zero relationship karma. Can we find love each day with a new person?
People in relationships prefer to fall in love with the same person as it was new love every day, they say thats the only way to love and live, find something new in the person you love. 
I think, my life is like the above one, I find a new person to love everyday or the person finds me.
This pattern has to end somewhere, but I am not complaining for the moment.
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