An elderly gentleman said "दूदोगे तो सब कुछ मिलता है"  . Is it true we will find what we are searching for, if we search hard enough? But nevertheless this phrase is stuck in my head for sometime now, and I am thinking about smarter ways to search.

Everyone is searching for something or the other, the more profound one's are looking for the meaning of our lives, and the mundane are searching for pots of money.

So I do my searches with google, no wonder internet is so popular with some, it can certainly help you find people, information, entertainment, mostly anything which is in English. My dependence on internet is so much, that I have forgotten the traditonal means of search (actually I never learned that skill), like asking for help and references from people I know. Its considered a bit rude and you might be snubbed by this cool rebuttal "why dont you do a search on google" .

I know how search works in the virtual world, use the right keywords and you are almost there (if what you are looking for is in english).

 How does one call up people for information and answers without offending or pestering them?? What are the keywords in the physical world I have got to use? I certainly dont like a " NO" for an answer!

Suggestions are welcome! 

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I dont know about you, but i felt very smart from the age of 17 to 36, but now that I am no longer in that attractive age bracket, I have been feeling overwhelmingly dumb about myself. Its terrible to know, you are not smart, witty, good looking and not that fit also.The delusions of youth leave you by the time you have 2 kids, but for me it went on for a quite a while after that.

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I decided that to have some order in my physical life, I need to set a routine for myself, I figure it would help me handle the crazy chaos in my mind space. If I knew when to get up, when to brush, when lunch and when to exercise.

So I decided to go about planning a routine for myself. Of-course a great way to start a day is to wake up way early than everyone else and get a head start, so I switch off the lights by 10pm and take a book to bed, but the book turns out to be so interesting that I read till 5am, and  the time I had scheduled to wake up, I go to sleep.

I figure that I have to respect my natural body clock, and not fight against it.  So now this is my routine now.

Sleep anytime between 2.30am-5.30 am

Wake up anytime between 10am- 12pm.

Once I wake up, I’m usually very edgy, this is the time I get calls from telemarketers, and I let off full steam on them.

12pm-2pm do whatever work, I had planned the previous day.(sending emails, asking for a quote, pay bills, call up people)

4 pm is the time, I feel the most centred and peaceful, this is the time I like to meet people.

So usually 2pm -4pm is preparing or travelling to a previously set appointment at 4pm.

Now after the appointment is finished. I like to give some time for exercising, the exercise is all varied some times its cycling for a few hours, muscle building at the gum, walking in the neighbourhood park or even shopping malls.

After the exercise it’s time for food, and again sink in with some TV and a book later.

For a person who has a job or a regular business it not difficult maintaining a routine, it is generally regular business timings, but for a guy like me who is a freelancer/work from home, believe me this is very challenging. I also worry that as soon as I have organised my life, I don’t want something to come in way of my routine.

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• Yes I want to connect to strangers through my writing(if that's what I do), would it be necessarily be attention seeking?? 
• Yes i want to make new friends by sharing my experiences {of course no graphic details here}, is it still attention seeking??
• Trying to connect to people who are not your immedaiate freinds or relatives, is it still attention seeking??

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I was talking to my girlfriend last night ,and was telling her about all her personality flaws ( I do that whenever I have free time ) .

I was accusing her,

“You take all your decisions on basis of your fears, You act of of fear”

This constructive criticism went on and on, till the time I realized that she had switched off while listening to me and was probably indulging in one of her sexual fantasies! When I dragged her into reality and she retorts back

“As if you don't have any faults”

She obviously didn't  know that, while my sister was majoring in Psychology and Economics (which I told her later on), I used to read all her Psychology text books, at the age of 13 or 14 !! (she just read it a few days before exams and passed in honors) .

I was so addicted to those Psychology text books , I just couldn't leave them alone, Sigmund Freud was my hero.I started reading these book as I used to think there is something really fundamentally wrong with me, and I needed to cure myself by reading, as I couldn't think of any alternative cure. So all I did was read and read Psychology books, and if it was a chapter dealing with “Teenage sexual behavior and problems'’ then I used to read in 100 times.

I was so lost growing up, suddenly all you can think is of having sex with women (older, younger whatever). It almost sounds perverted, but I am told its normal, everyone has these fantasies! (is it??) (and still do??)

I only wish my father had a talk with me man to man and told me about these things( Yeah ! blame it on your parents), instead of doing all this research I could have known it from him, as friends were not reliable sources.But he used to tell me,

“I am not going to tell you what is right and wrong, you have to figure it out for yourself. “

I do feel I am a bit less muddled in my head, than I was back then, its a sense of relief which will last till someone makes me feel perverted and weird again!!

Sometimes confirming to the morality of the society is a huge burden one bears , instead of respecting each person for his/her uniqueness. We force them to confirm to the society norms and thus the rebels are born.

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“I am so small I can barely be seen.

How can this great love be inside me?

Look at your eyes, they are small but they

see enormous things” Rumi

I bet you didn't know,I was part of the a company(Partner) which was  scheduled to do a show on Sufi Music along with select poems of Mawlānā Jalāl-ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī to commemorate his 8th birth centenary.But we couldn't make it, but maybe someday we will do it.(its a dream project). Insha'Allah!!!

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No matter how many Fuck ups /screw ups  one has in life .

I tell myself only one thing, evolution is always progressive,

Things can only get BETTER!!!:))

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As I am reminded almost every hour by sms/email/call from my bank, about the balance in my account, credit card payment dues and issued cheque status.

I think about ways to increase my income.I have 3 revenue models and bit of a expertise in these 3 fields, by which i can do so ..

1. My manufacturing business.(www.vedantenterprises.info)
2. Advertisers for my websites/blogs  www.powai.info and www.mumbaisalsa.info ,
3. Produce niche events, like the Poetry and Jazz show  we did at NCPA. or the Salsa parties which we had at a club in Juhu.

Manufacturing

I used to think that if I concentrate totally on my manufacturing biz, i don't need to look anywhere else for income Also since I'm working with only one client for past 12 years and almost no potential to scale up in the same vertical ,hence getting into diverse businesses was the only way I could increase my repertoire of clients.

Future plans for manufacturing:

Since I have some extra space here in my factory here in Jalgaon , i would like to do , some thing which integrates the farmers directly to their customers, but that can be a logistical nightmare and needs lot of dedicated hands.Also get into manufacturing some energy saving product which I can brand on my own.

Monetizing my two blogs

www.powai.info and www.mumbaisalsa.info , started as a experiment and out of sheer passion for the subject and belief that niche publishing is need of the hour..Advertisers are slowly approaching and I am thrilled about that.

Future plans for monetizing the blogs:

I don't have big plans for these blogs, the advertising revenue generated would give the best of profit/capital investment ratio.Only problem is its got a life as long as I remain interested in these topics.After that if I can buyer I sell it.But its rather difficult to sell your pet.

Niche Events

is something I would love to do, just organizing musical events for myself, but it takes a lot of effort and team work.This is an area I need to get working on….

Wish me all the best !!! :)

If some of the readers need to check out my professional profile, you can check www.manojnayak.com , its just needs to be updated, but quite accurate.

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If I had to live my life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever oh so clearly
I might have been in love before
But it never felt this strong

Our dreams are young
And we both know they'll take us
Where we want to go

(Chorus 1)
Hold me now
Touch me now
I don't want to live without you

(Chorus 2)
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love

(Chorus 3)
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing's gonna change my love for you

If the road ahead is not so easy,
Our love will lead the way for us
Like a guiding star
I'll be there for you if you should need me
You don't have to change a thing
I love you just the way you are
So come with me and share the view
I'll help you see forever too

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I had a very important meeting with my client on 14th regarding price negotiation and timely help comes from a Chat friend, here is a chat transcript, and if it wasn't for some advise from Abhisek I wouldn't have been so confident, this conversation put me in the right perspective.

me: i have a important rate negotiation tomorrow with my client, i wish i had taken more advise from u guys

Abhishek: one has to

me: its a do or die situation

whether i will survive or not

kinds

Abhishek: why

what happened

me: oh the margins are so thin, that and managing so many things that one tends to neglect the bottom line

5:26 PM Abhishek: yeah

me: sometime your ego makes u spend more

Abhishek: one also gves too much of credit

i think

me: to produce more

Abhishek: thats the problem of most companies

to give credit to increase sales

and then move into working capital trouble

5:29 PM me: yeah, thats my story at a very micro level, i have actually aksed my client that i need to produce less, cause its more economically viable, as economies of scale,doesn t help for a small time businessman like me

5:30 PM Abhishek: why so

does ur margins come down with increased sales

5:31 PM me: we have slab rates in our purchase order, the fixed costs gets divided

Abhishek: k

me: and then it a game of only variable costs

Abhishek: k

me: if we miss something or add something we loose

Abhishek: k

u must be giving credit to the other company

5:35 PM Abhishek: what is the constarint of r business

me: having just one single client

Abhishek: i am a consultant by my degree

me: and other similar vendors into aggeeeing to do work dirt cheap

5:37 PM other vendors are competing agaist each other, and screwing up the rates firther

and debts i take so that i don't run out of cash

5:39 PM Abhishek: ur debts must be for WC requirement na

me: yes,

5:40 PM Abhishek: am i correct

me: though my CA has promised this year he will find me a suitable long term loan

Abhishek: u are making accounting profit

but nt cash profit

am i correct

me: yes

Abhishek: i know

5:41 PM me: you are correct bang on

Abhishek: ur problem will not get solved by taking loans

me: i know, but i cant afford to run out of cash

Abhishek: u have to solve ur problem of cash requiremnt

of business

thats teh solution

taking loans is a temp solution

5:42 PM me: i have to increase my income right?

5:47 PM Abhishek: u got my point na

me: yes, i got your poitn

thanks

i am trying to work on that

Abhishek: yeah

me: i guess focussing does work

Abhishek: try to start

5:48 PM by solving ur problem

by focussing

on what ur constraints are their

and then elvating the constarints

me: u a goldratt fan?

5:49 PM Abhishek: i did a full course on it na

me: wow...really

Abhishek: i am an AEP expert on Operation & distribution

me: ah, gr8...do give me a call and lets meet up

Abhishek: ah sure

me: it would be nice

Abhishek: got to prepare fopr the meeting

Abhishek: i think u make a ppt

me: really

Abhishek: would be my sugestion

would seem to be profesional

me: i had done it half way,have to search now

good suggestion

Abhishek: and try to give solution to some 0f the client problem

me: timely help, ping me if you get any more ideas,would appreciate it

5:54 PM Abhishek: so that he can meet some of ur demands

me: ahh

Abhishek: sure

tc

bbye

me: thanks a ton,byee

Abhishek: nice taking to u

me: same here..tc

ciao!

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This is my TODO list, somehow i hate to focus on things and like to do things only when I am ready, i just write my TODO lists with deadline which i never adhere too, I would feel much better if I could finish the "TODO" in my stipulated time, but its such a Kill-JOY, Its almost like I am rebelling against myself by not finishing things on time.Some one has quoted "Focus is overrated".

Here is chat transcript i had on the same.Hope the reader gets "focused"

Astra: Make a list: (I put mine on a small blackboard scroll and hung it on my wall)

and give energy to it

9:54 AM me: oh...i got a big white board

Astra: focus and be positive about meeting all your goals

Now if I have ten things on the list I write it priority wise. Topmost is tackled first

me: alrite:-), my mind gets too cluttered

Astra: as soon as I intend to start on the first and give focus to it mentlly

9:55 AM i see that my work gets started as i have already put myself on the task mentally

then as soon as I start the task physically, i rub it off the list

this means that I am already sure I am completing it

this wy i see that I complete it fast

only then i go to no 2 ad so on

Astra: I mark them in one bracket and multitask

9:57 AM me: oh go ahead

Astra: if there are two or more that are urgent or equal priority

me: hmm

Astra: then i mark them as one group

9:58 AM and multitask, as well as keep focus on them all at once

but that consumes more energy

me: makes sense

thnks

9:59 AM Astra: mention not

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Once a person close to me described me as a "perfectly imperfect".I think she meant it as a compliment in a sarcastic way,but it makes one feel very uneasy, the world loves stereotypes doesn't it? Or is there a world for the "perfectly imperfects".

BTW I'm not a seeker of perfection,perfection is the end of the journey.I mean the term "perfect" is so dated,like I am the "best".Does any one say things like these anymore?please don't ever use it.I mean its cute,but quite dated:-).

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