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I got my hands on ” The white tiger” by Aravind Adiga” this weekend (yes! I have retired from partying), and this has been the most hilarious book I have read. Yes thats the kind of humor I like, pardon me. The title of the blog post again is “what a fucking joke” is a punch line which is used again and again in the book by the protagonist.
Here are few excerpts from the book, I am typing below, if you dig it, go and get a copy of Aravind Adiga ” The White tiger”
The entire book is actually a imaginary letter
For the desk of
His Excellency Wen Jiabao
The Premier Office
Capital of the Freedom- Loving Nation of China
From the desk of
“The White Tiger”
And an entrprenuer
Living in the world’s centre of technology and outsourcing
Electronics City Phase 1 (just off Hosur Main Road),
I guess, Your Excellency, That i should start off by kissing some god’s arse.
Which god’s arse though? There are so many choices.
See the Muslims have one god.
The Christians have three god’s.
And we Hindus have 36,000,000 god’s.
Making a grand total of 36,000,004 divine arses for me to choose from.
A great poet, this fellow Iqbal- even if he was a Muslim.
(By the way, Mr. premier: have you noticed that all four of the greatest poets in the world are Muslims? And yet a; the Muslims you meet are illiterate or covered head to toe in black burkas or looking for a buildiings to blow up? It’s a puzzle, isnt it? If you figure these people out, send me an email.)
I gather you yellow-skinned men, depite your triumps in sewage, drinking water, and Olympic gold medals, still dont have democracy. Some politician on the radio was saying that’s why we Indians are going to beat you: we may not have the sewage, drinking water, and Olympic gold medals, but we do have democracy.
If I were making a democracy, i’d get the sewage pipes first, then the democracy, then I would go about giving pamplets and statues of Gandhi to the other people, but what do I know?
Like eunuchs discussing the Kama Sutra, the voters discuss the elections in Laxmangarh.
Every road in Delhi has a name, like Aurangzeb raod or Humayun raod, or Archibishop Makarios raod. And no one, masters or servants , knows the name of the road. You ask someone , “Where’s Nikolai Copernicus Marg?’
And he could be living his whole life , and he’ll open his mouth and say, “Hanh?”
Or he’ll say, “straight ahead, then turn left, even though he has no idea.
Just beacuse driver and cooks in Delhi are reading Murder Weekly, it doesnt mean that they are all about to slit their master’s necks. Of course they would like to. Of course, a billion servants are secretly fantasizing about strangling thier bosses – and that’s why the government of India publishes this magazine and sells it on the streets for just four and half rupees so that even the poor can buy it. You see the murderer in the magazine is so mentally disturbed and sexually deranged that not one reader would want to be like him.
“what about her, country mouse? You like her?
I blushed. “tell me.’ I said , “dont the women in cities- like her- have hair in their armpits and on their legs like the women in our villages?”
You got to try this book, I find it fucking hilarious,(if you don’t find the above excerpts funny, please write to me, and i will recommend a good doctor) it shows India for what it is, no India rising or shining!
Some interesting fact from Malcom Gladwell book ” what the dog saw”
Pre- industrial woman had about 100 menstrual cycles considered to
todays modern woman who has about 400 menstrual cycles in her productive
Strassmann “The basic pattern of late menarche, many pregnancies, and
long menstrual-free stretches caused by intensive breast-feeding was
virtually universal, it’s a pity that gynecologist think that women
have to menstruate every month, they don’t understand the real biology
of the women” “In other words, what we think of as a normal- frequent menses- is in
evolutionary terms abnormal.”
Pike ” But the modern way of living represent an extraordinary change
in female biology, and some of the risk of women getting educated and
not getting pregnant all the time are breast cancer and ovarian
cancer, and we need to deal with it”
Excerpted from William Dalrymple “nine lives” Elsewhere, Hindu devotional sculpture can often be unembarassedly erotic.
This same sensuousness is also there in startlingly beautiful Tamil
poetry of the period Her arms have the beauty
Of a gently moving bamboo.
Her eyes are full of peace.
she is faraway
Her place is not easy to reach
My heart is frantic
A ploughman with a single ox
On a land all wet
And ready for seed
Or again My love
As she chases crabs
Suddenly stands shy,
Hair hiding her face,
But only till the misery of evening
passes, when she”ll give me
the full pleasure
Of her breasts.