Tag Archives: ramblings

Energy Exchange!

We can read and go to a faraway land but in the end we have to come back and face ourself.

We can watch movies, when we are bored, go out and have a great time with the ones we love. But when the love becomes monotonous, we come back to face ourself.

We can pretend to be in love with someone or care for someone, but if the other person doesn’t believe it, the trip is cut short and we come back to face ourself.

So we feed on external energies till they can sustain us, but why does it run out sooner or later like love in marriages? Isn’t there a mutual energy exchange in all telepathic transactions? Can we see our gentle reflection in other people and activities than to be back to square one after a bad breakup and face ourselves in the mirror and question our own self worth?

The energy exchange is a tricky thing, the sender wants to give, but the receiver doesn’t want to receive. This makes the sender come back to himself and question the worth of his gifts. Should the sender give it to whoever is ready to receive the energy or he should wait for someone worthy and who is willing to receive this and needs this energy.

Does the energy sent back to the sender, compound like money in the banks or in the stock market? Will it be more valuable and appreciate like Gold or real estate, if not where does one invest this energy, this unsolicited energy, where can it be locked up?

Do we treat these invisible energy like we treat money in the market economy. Are these energies different from just plain material wealth?

The discussion about energy exchange is endless, i don’t know answers to these answers, but this is what makes the world go around, Iam sure.

Lolita and Dharma

I define dharma as that thing which you have to do no matter what the cost might be, if you have a western bent of mind, you might call it as “one’s duty” but that would be a black and white interpretation of this holistic Sanskrit word dharma. Iam not an expert theologian or a educated indolgist, so feel free to disagree on the same. But people call me Bapu and I have millions of followers.

She was 16, normally I never get attracted to anyone who is so young, I have a protective feeling almost fatherly or brotherly feelings towards even much older women who are 30/35. But she was different. Everytime I saw her, I feel she was trying to tease me or seduce me. I brushed aside such thoughts, what would such a young girl know about adult pleasures? But somehow or the other she was always on my mind. Slowly i realised she was becoming my most consistent thought, i longed to see her, I would make reasons to be with her.

She was relentless the more she avoided me, the more I felt aroused, this was a viscous cycle, as I knew this feeling was so wrong, no one would understand. But my thoughts made me committed to the actions which would land me in jail without a bail.

Dharma is not ethical, it knows no right or wrong, it is something which possesses you, you don’t choose it, it chooses you. You are just a player, the cards are already dealt.

Criticism of our work.

Migrant workers – 

This morning, when i went to for a cutting chai, i saw a scene being created by a few BMC officials with the chaiwala. They were asking 500 Rs fine, for illegal hawking. The chaiwala was serenely blissful while the BMC officials forcefully seized his container from which he dispenses tea. After that the BMC guy again using all maa bahen gali was threatening to take the chaiwala to the police station. The entire time the chaiwala was not disturbed at all. He was composed and cool. Finally he paid up and the BMC officials let him go.  

I am sure if the same thing had been done with a marathi or the son of soil illegal hawker, there would have been a ugly scene? Anyway the indignation faced by the son of the soil is greater than the migrant worker, who knows that if nothing works out he will return to his village, and then come back after sometime, when things have cooled down.

The migrant worker has nothing to lose, everything is a bonus. I am not critiquing the migrant workers, but rather admiring their coolness in face of such filthy treatment. 

So i was wondering if we all carry a attitude of “I don’t have anything to lose” can we be all cool, calm and composed in face of threats and criticism to our work? Or should we like son’s of the soil take our fight right in and crush our adversary for some pitiful gain? 

 I have lately been losing my temper of late on silly things related to work. Maybe I have nothing to lose? Maybe losing your temper is not such a bad thing, but i would rather keep it to myself and channelise it. 

Feeling insignificant lately.

When you identify yourself with your ego the pain and suffering starts and slowly consumes you. THe moment you are in presence of something or someone bigger than yourself, your ego disappears in a sense of awe and wonderment and we feel one with all. 

No matter we feel good about ourself when we are in presence of a celebrity or in the vicinity of a marvellous piece of architecture or simply in the presence of wild and wondrous nature. What could be more magnificent than mountains and seas. Can we ever be bigger than those mountains and seas, the sun and the moon and the stars? 

But if i was digressing, why do we feel small when we are in not in presence of these awe inspiring things, why do we feel insignificant when our imaginations fail to see any bigger scheme for us. Do we have constantly search for scenes for something better and bigger than us, to let go of our ego. Can we surrender to the most insignificant being, can we surrender the same way to a lump of garbage like we do in front of the majestic mountains. As finding a piece of garbage is more easy than going to the mountains, isn’t it? 

When to give up on your desires?

You only desire, what seems possible or what is possible to dream off. For eg. You might dream of a big 4 bhk house in Hiranandani Gardens, Powai or any tony neighbourhood. But you wouldn’t even dream of a 4 bhk on a moon or mars for that matter. 

So desires are calculated risks, we take to move from one place to another, they seem to be the subconscious road maps for the future. 

But what happens when you attain what you desire? we mark a milestone and set ourselves for another dream of that subconscious calling? What if the object of our desire is a person? How would the person feel, when you ignore and neglect the person, whom you had serenaded and showered with gifts and undying love before you achieved what you want?

Anyway, so we keep chasing what we deeply desire, cause that is God Consciousness itself showing us the light. 

Now what if we don’t attain what we so deeply desire, does it mean that we haven’t served God? or have we failed ourselves? OR do we compromise and settle for what we can achieve rather that what we truly desire? Is compromise divine? is acceptance of our limitations make us more humans and compassionate towards others? 

The answer is we all compromise, no one wants to kill ourselves if you don’t get what we want. Maybe there is no compromise, maybe life is a win -win situation. What seems like a failure is just a beginning. ( this is very cliche and consoling). But to a person who is madly possessed with desire, this explanation might seem trite. 

I had to do it.

I like being in this situation where there is no other choice left, but that what needs to be done, and which I have to do it.

If i was the CEO of Nike, I would change the slogan from “Just do it” which is has connotations of “unconscious”  decision making to ” I had to do it” which denotes “conscious” contemplation and well thought over action.

If we stop doing things, just because they just need to be ticked off the list and consciously wait for a situation where you have no other choice ” than to just do it”.

Will the world be a different place?

Just a thought.

Is the desire to control a necessary evil?

OK, iam tired on my own self indulgent writings, but sometimes i just write to get things out of my head .

We all love to control the outcome of any particular discussion, action , inaction or reaction. We control things by controlling people, sometimes by force, sometimes my our cleverness, sometimes by love.

What we actually control is the quantity of pleasure or pain we can endure. We as humans live our life seeking pleasure and minimising pain. But fuck someone said “No pain, no fucking gain”. So we begin to suffer, endure so we may gain more and more pleasure. 

The more we endure and suffer, the more determined and vicious and cunning we get to acquire our object of pleasure or the means to it. 

So the BIG QUESTION is , “Is controlling someone or some outcome a dictatorial pursuit , is the person a fascist or just a dynamic leader” . This is something history will tell. 

Basically, the desire to control is a basic need for “order” against disorder.  We want to wake up on the right side of our bed, we want our eggs to be sunny side up, we want our socks to be ironed, we expect to find our wallets and our car keys. We expect clients to pay us for our hard-work on time and not cheat on us. 

But what if the order doesn’t happen? Well the easiest way to restore order is to find alternatives or lower your expectations. Instead of planning that Europe vacation, settle for the Hill station in India. Instead of driving a Beamer , drive a less expensive car. If your kids dont get the required grades to qualify for a scholarship, think that most of the successful entrepreneurs are drop outs. 

But this is a vicious cycle, you keep on giving up on your desires and settling for less. One fine day you are left with nothing, which makes you again aspire for things you dont have. 

Moral code of conduct for the social media and blogsphere writer.

Now calling myself a writer would be a unfair to other writers  But I do moderate a 3 large forums with about 8000 fans together. Also I need to amuse my fans and get the discussion going around to keep more fans from joining in social media.

My style is a bit over the edge, every time I post a update, i think my next update should be bolder and more towards the truth than the previous one. The only problem being truth itself is ambiguous by nature, in the sense that there is no my or your truth. How influential and adept are you at putting across your message is what matters. Also what can make a person “Like” your post, might make the other person cringe and purge and probably unfriend and block you.

First of all, if writers are moral and judgemental it would become propaganda or advertising. Writers, i believe write what they feel like writing. Sometimes the words dont come out right, some times they do. Its a hit and miss thing. People on the other hand want to read what they are comfortable with. The writer can either play to the readers or say “bollocks you cunt, i really dont care a fuck.”

I generally go from sober to sleazy to appeal to a broader audience. I stay shy from appeasing popular and mediocre conformist on the forum.  Somehow the mediocre though a big sizeable chuck doesn’t appeal to me. They might appeal to someone who is trying to write a best seller.

On a different note: If you see the top commercial authors in India they are either from MBA school or ex-bankers. Are they businessmen disguised as writers? ex. Rashmi Bansal, Amish Tripati, Ashwin Sanghvi etc etc. 

Anyway, my nightmare as a social media writer is going too sleazy in front of others. It makes me wonder if my mind is very sleazy or its just that somethings are best said beyond closed doors in to someones ears?

Who do you depend upon?

We depend on our family, friends and relatives during trying times. If that doesn’t help, we can get lost in the wonderful world of drug dependency, or become a alcoholic. If we have a little sense of responsibility we take to minor form of dependency like painkillers, cigarettes and caffeine to get us through. 

We can depend on shopping aka retail therapy to take us out of our gloom, or food can uplift any damn spirit. Travelling blues will catch up soon. So the time when all we could depend upon has either given up on us or we have given up on them. 

Finally we have no filler, just a hollowness in the stomach. We can scream and agonise on the hollowness, we ask why doesn’t someone love us, and fill away the pain. Nobody is available, withdrawal symptoms can last from a one day to a few weeks, unless you try to get again on being dependent. 

Now Iam filling my hallowness/emptiness with words, but now words are also over. 

I cant get no Focalisation

I try hard , really hard so that I can focus, but I cant get no focalisation. 

I try hard, really hard to throw those monkey’s off my back!!

Maybe I am dyslexic, or just plain distracted? 

The world has too much of too much to really focus on something paricular, dont you think sweetheart?

So I dont get no focalis(z)ation and I try and I try! 

OK, I didnt mean to screw up the rolling stone’s number, its purely uintentional!

But I have trouble, taking my mind of all those wonderful things life has to offer and focus on one thing. They say beauty is in the detail, really? I am not all that convinced. 

The only time I can focus is when the house is on fire and the baby is in the crib.

This is my constitution, rest of the time its just substituion i can bank on.

Only if the baby can take care of itself, I could just keep exploring this unlimited, unwinding road leading to nowhere. 

The big question I cannot answer is,

Do I really want to go anywhere in particular or just keep on going nowhere.

Its really about having a clear and definite vision of the end of the road.

What if there is pitch darkness after the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

 

P.S: Hope you like the new blog name and theme. 🙂  

Some thoughts

Okay, Im consumed by work nowadays and maintaining a personal blog has become really taxing, so from now on I will have generic topic as blog post. Anyway no one reads my blog 🙁
But I plan to update my blog more often, maybe daily or at least twice a week.
I believe love is transient, as soon as you start building dreams over it, it vanishes, like sand out of a closed fist. So intellectually I have come to the conclusion if you ever fall in love with someone, be happy that you could find someone to love, irrespective of the person loving you back. I highly recommend that one should love your phone, computer, books, dogs and not get involved with any person, people have free will. Gadgets and pets they will do as you wish. So what do you think?? 
Now again I was just imagining myself to be a very powerful person the other day and I wondered if I can handle power. The last time I had been in such a position, I had become a monster, I thought I was God, spoke rudely to people abused my employees. Criticized everyone around and never came close to real Happiness. Will this time be different?? or will power corrupt my soul absolutely.

दूदोगे तो सब कुछ मिलता है

An elderly gentleman said ”दूदोगे तो सब कुछ मिलता है”  . Is it true we will find what we are searching for, if we search hard enough? But nevertheless this phrase is stuck in my head for sometime now, and I am thinking about smarter ways to search.

Everyone is searching for something or the other, the more profound one’s are looking for the meaning of our lives, and the mundane are searching for pots of money.

So I do my searches with google, no wonder internet is so popular with some, it can certainly help you find people, information, entertainment, mostly anything which is in English. My dependence on internet is so much, that I have forgotten the traditonal means of search (actually I never learned that skill), like asking for help and references from people I know. Its considered a bit rude and you might be snubbed by this cool rebuttal why dont you do a search on google” .

I know how search works in the virtual world, use the right keywords and you are almost there (if what you are looking for is in english).

 How does one call up people for information and answers without offending or pestering them?? What are the keywords in the physical world I have got to use? I certainly dont like a ” NO” for an answer!

Suggestions are welcome! 

The cure for dumbness

I dont know about you, but i felt very smart from the age of 17 to 36, but now that I am no longer in that attractive age bracket, I have been feeling overwhelmingly dumb about myself. Its terrible to know, you are not smart, witty, good looking and not that fit also.The delusions of youth leave you by the time you have 2 kids, but for me it went on for a quite a while after that.

But this year 2010 is a rude awakening, its just realizing that you got be fast, swift, not miss opportunities, make the most out of everything, yet not do those callous things which you will regret. Yes! I guess I have become wise. This was never the case before, i took up whatever came to me, never thought about the long term implications.
Being wise, is painful, somehow I feel now I dont have the luxury of being callous like i did earlier, I hate it! But I am trying to endure this painful transition from a boy to a man! yes that what I think, I am becoming a man at 37?? never too late….
I wonder if I can survive this, they say the 40’s are the new 20’s. Will I get back my enthusiasm and jest for life? 
Till then I am trying to find a cure to my dumbness!!! Adios! 
Here is a song to suit my mood.

Natural body clock

I decided that to have some order in my physical life, I need to set a routine for myself, I figure it would help me handle the crazy chaos in my mind space. If I knew when to get up, when to brush, when lunch and when to exercise.

So I decided to go about planning a routine for myself. Of-course a great way to start a day is to wake up way early than everyone else and get a head start, so I switch off the lights by 10pm and take a book to bed, but the book turns out to be so interesting that I read till 5am, and  the time I had scheduled to wake up, I go to sleep.

I figure that I have to respect my natural body clock, and not fight against it.  So now this is my routine now.

Sleep anytime between 2.30am-5.30 am

Wake up anytime between 10am- 12pm.

Once I wake up, I’m usually very edgy, this is the time I get calls from telemarketers, and I let off full steam on them.

12pm-2pm do whatever work, I had planned the previous day.(sending emails, asking for a quote, pay bills, call up people)

4 pm is the time, I feel the most centred and peaceful, this is the time I like to meet people.

So usually 2pm -4pm is preparing or travelling to a previously set appointment at 4pm.

Now after the appointment is finished. I like to give some time for exercising, the exercise is all varied some times its cycling for a few hours, muscle building at the gum, walking in the neighbourhood park or even shopping malls.

After the exercise it’s time for food, and again sink in with some TV and a book later.

For a person who has a job or a regular business it not difficult maintaining a routine, it is generally regular business timings, but for a guy like me who is a freelancer/work from home, believe me this is very challenging. I also worry that as soon as I have organised my life, I don’t want something to come in way of my routine.

Does Blogging about your personal life mean you are seeking attention? and Pasta in Basic tomato sauce.

Its been sometime, since i blogged, sometimes its difficult to talk about your life in an open blog.
I have heard various reactions over the past few days on people who blog about their personal life, and was wondering if this is all about attention seeking.
  • Yes I want to connect to strangers through my writing(if that’s what I do), would it be necessarily be attention seeking?? 
  • Yes i want to make new friends by sharing my experiences {of course no graphic details here}, is it still attention seeking??
  • Trying to connect to people who are not your immedaiate freinds or relatives, is it still attention seeking??
Than if all the people reading this blog say YES to all the above questions? and then YES  I am suffering from ADD(attention Deficit Disorder). Isn’t that what’s its called?

Most of the people are so busy with their routine and household chores, that there is no time or energy left. I would say they have nothing to offer to the world besides catering to their family.They create a energy deficient society, they suck life giving energies by not thinking beyond their immediate needs and responsibilities and once in a while they would light a candle and send or donate to CRY.
OK thats all I have to say on this!

P.S Writing is the easiest way to share and communicate your skills, needs or entertain others. So I highly recommend anyone who wants to write about their passion or life to get started! 

Again a Pasta recipe, this time a more refined one and more authentic.

Ingredients

  • 1 tablespoon olive oil
  • 1 onion, finely chopped
  • 1 clove garlic, minced
  • 2 (8 ounce) cans tomato sauce
  • 1 teaspoon dried oregano
  • salt and pepper to taste
  • processed cheese shredded
  • 1 cup water
  • Mushrooms
  • Broccoli (good source of anti-oxidants
  • Red and Yellow Pepper
  • Sprouts
  • Camera
In a large skillet over medium heat, saute’ onion and garlic in the olive oil for about 5 minutes, then add mushrooms till all the water evaporates. Add tomato sauce, oregano, salt, pepper, cheese sauce and water. Lower heat and simmer until it thickens; about 30 minutes.
Add the remaining precooked veggies.Mix with Pasta of your choice and ready to serve.

 

Psychology and Sigmund Freud

I was talking to my girlfriend last night ,and was telling her about all her personality flaws ( I do that whenever I have free time ) .

I was accusing her,

“You take all your decisions on basis of your fears, You act of of fear”

This constructive criticism went on and on, till the time I realized that she had switched off while listening to me and was probably indulging in one of her sexual fantasies! When I dragged her into reality and she retorts back

“As if you don’t have any faults”

She obviously didn’t  know that, while my sister was majoring in Psychology and Economics (which I told her later on), I used to read all her Psychology text books, at the age of 13 or 14 !! (she just read it a few days before exams and passed in honors) .

I was so addicted to those Psychology text books , I just couldn’t leave them alone, Sigmund Freud was my hero.I started reading these book as I used to think there is something really fundamentally wrong with me, and I needed to cure myself by reading, as I couldn’t think of any alternative cure. So all I did was read and read Psychology books, and if it was a chapter dealing with “Teenage sexual behavior and problems’’ then I used to read in 100 times.

I was so lost growing up, suddenly all you can think is of having sex with women (older, younger whatever). It almost sounds perverted, but I am told its normal, everyone has these fantasies! (is it??) (and still do??)

I only wish my father had a talk with me man to man and told me about these things( Yeah ! blame it on your parents), instead of doing all this research I could have known it from him, as friends were not reliable sources.But he used to tell me,

“I am not going to tell you what is right and wrong, you have to figure it out for yourself. “

I do feel I am a bit less muddled in my head, than I was back then, its a sense of relief which will last till someone makes me feel perverted and weird again!!

Sometimes confirming to the morality of the society is a huge burden one bears , instead of respecting each person for his/her uniqueness. We force them to confirm to the society norms and thus the rebels are born.

I am missing Rumi

“I am so small I can barely be seen.

How can this great love be inside me?

Look at your eyes, they are small but they

see enormous things” Rumi

I bet you didn’t know,I was part of the a company(Partner) which was  scheduled to do a show on Sufi Music along with select poems of Mawlānā Jalāl-ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī to commemorate his 8th birth centenary.But we couldn’t make it, but maybe someday we will do it.(its a dream project). Insha’Allah!!!

Working from home

Show me the profit!!!!!

As I am reminded almost every hour by sms/email/call from my bank, about the balance in my account, credit card payment dues and issued cheque status.

I think about ways to increase my income.I have 3 revenue models and bit of a expertise in these 3 fields, by which i can do so ..

  1. My manufacturing business.(www.vedantenterprises.info)
  2. Advertisers for my websites/blogs  www.powai.info and www.mumbaisalsa.info ,
  3. Produce niche events, like the Poetry and Jazz show  we did at NCPA. or the Salsa parties which we had at a club in Juhu.

Manufacturing

I used to think that if I concentrate totally on my manufacturing biz, i don’t need to look anywhere else for income Also since I’m working with only one client for past 12 years and almost no potential to scale up in the same vertical ,hence getting into diverse businesses was the only way I could increase my repertoire of clients.

Future plans for manufacturing:

Since I have some extra space here in my factory here in Jalgaon , i would like to do , some thing which integrates the farmers directly to their customers, but that can be a logistical nightmare and needs lot of dedicated hands.Also get into manufacturing some energy saving product which I can brand on my own.

Monetizing my two blogs

www.powai.info and www.mumbaisalsa.info , started as a experiment and out of sheer passion for the subject and belief that niche publishing is need of the hour..Advertisers are slowly approaching and I am thrilled about that.

Future plans for monetizing the blogs:

I don’t have big plans for these blogs, the advertising revenue generated would give the best of profit/capital investment ratio.Only problem is its got a life as long as I remain interested in these topics.After that if I can buyer I sell it.But its rather difficult to sell your pet.

Niche Events

is something I would love to do, just organizing musical events for myself, but it takes a lot of effort and team work.This is an area I need to get working on….

Wish me all the best !!! 🙂

If some of the readers need to check out my professional profile, you can check www.manojnayak.com , its just needs to be updated, but quite accurate.