Writing a personal blog is not a easy job, it’s like writing a personal diary which can be accessed by any person out there. Initially I feared that people who I knew formally, like my clients, my employees shouldn’t read my blogs so I  as a strategy tried to keep my personal blog away from these people.

I don’t think there is anything for me to be ashamed of here,(but I do make a fool of myself here), but my life is really very different from the lives of these people who I know formally. I have a wild/dark side( I hope so) when I compare it to their life’s, they have a regular job, a family to go back to.

The reason I started writing this personal blog are my kids. I got divorced with two kids, and due to some weird forces of nature, I am not supposed to meet my children. In hindsight I think I gave them up, because I fundamentally believed that a single guy like me, would be useless when it comes to raising kids, and it was in their best interest to be raised by their mother and her well settled parents. I was struggling in my work, with my desires to know myself and had no time for anyone except ME ME ME.

It’s a kind of a vicious cycle, My parents got divorced/separated when I was 10/12. We stayed with our father, and I have met my mother maybe 3 or 4 times in last 25 years. When I talk with my mother, we don’t speak beyond the formal “How are you? And did you get the money?”  and she responds with enquiring about me. There is nothing we can bond on. No common interest, not even a single loving memory.

I would hate the same thing happen to me when I meet my children, I would like them to relate to me, my life, talk with them for hours, spend time with them, take care of their needs.

This  blog is an effort to communicate with them, when they are ready to read me.

The last thing I want to do on this blog is whine. I want them to see me as a Kool guy J.